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how to know if you are an option ?

Title: Are You Their “Maybe” or Their “Must-Have”? 7 Daily Clues That Reveal the Truth

We’ve all been there—staring at three bouncing dots on a screen, refreshing Instagram to see if they’re online, counting the hours since we sent a text that still says “delivered,” not “read.” The modern dating world has turned almost everyone into a part-time detective, but the case we’re most obsessed with cracking is painfully simple:
Am I their plan A…or just the backup plan?

Below are seven everyday moments that will tell you—faster than any late-night analysis session with your best friend—whether you’re being kept on the bench or invited to start the game.

1. The 24-Hour Test
Ask yourself: If I disappeared for a full day—no calls, no texts, no stories—would they even notice? People who prioritize you will reach out within hours, not out of paranoia but because your absence creates a genuine vacuum in their routine. Options, on the other hand, are comfortable with radio silence; after all, they have other tabs open.

2. The Calendar Clause
Pull up your last four weeks of plans. How many were initiated by them, confirmed more than 24 hours in advance, and involved an actual calendar invite (or at least a screenshot of the restaurant reservation)? If 70 % of your “dates” sound like “I might swing by if this work thing ends early,” you already know the answer.

3. The SOS Litmus
Next time you have a mini-crisis—locked out of your apartment, car won’t start, sudden fever—send one text. No essays, no guilt trips, just: “Hey, I need help.” A partner who sees you as essential will drop the trivia night or leave the gym mid-workout. An option-seeker will reply six hours later with, “That sucks. Hope you figured it out.”

4. The Plus-One Paradox
Social events are relationship résumés. If you’re consistently not invited to weddings, work happy hours, or even the casual Sunday barbecue they keep mentioning, they’re segmenting their life so you don’t meet the people who matter. Priority status comes with introductions; option status comes with excuses.

5. The Story Highlight Hypothesis
Instagram and TikTok are modern scrapbooks. Scroll through their last 20 posts: Are you anywhere? Even camera-shy people find creative ways to include you—an overlapping plate, a tagged location, a cryptic heart emoji in the caption. If you’re scrubbed cleaner than a crime scene, they’re keeping their audience (and other prospects) uninformed.

6. The Future Tense Check
Listen for verb tenses. Do they say, “We should totally do Italy this fall” or “I’ve always wanted to go to Italy”? The first includes you; the second is a daydream that may or may not have room for an extra suitcase. People who prioritize you speak in “we” without being prompted.

7. The Boundary Boomerang
Try setting a small boundary—no texting after midnight, no last-minute cancellations without a phone call. Someone who values you will respect the boundary and maybe even raise their own standards. An option-seeker will balk, gaslight, or vanish. Their reaction is the most honest conversation you’ll ever have.

What to Do If You’re on the Bench

1. Self-Bench Yourself First
Cancel the extra dates, stop initiating every morning text, and reclaim the mental real estate. When you treat yourself like the main event, others must upgrade their tickets or leave the stadium.

2. Use the “One Ask” Rule
Communicate once, clearly: “I feel like I’m putting in most of the effort, and it’s making me question if we want the same thing.” No ultimatums, no essays. Their response (speed, tone, content) will tell you everything.

3. Invest Where the ROI Is Mutual
Redirect the energy you were spending on lukewarm people into friendships, workouts, side hustles, or learning how to make the perfect risotto. Momentum is magnetic; the right person will match it instead of draining it.

4. Keep the Standard, Not the Score
Walking away isn’t “losing” if the game was rigged. Every minute you spend proving your worth to an option-seeker is a minute stolen from someone who already sees it.

Final Whisper
You should never have to campaign for a leading role in someone else’s life. The people who see you as a must-have will audition for YOU. So close the tabs, silence the notifications, and listen for the person whose actions say, “I choose you today,” and then wake up tomorrow and choose you again—no detective work required.